Today we bought dog food.

It's an interesting thing how the events of our lives really shape how we see the world. I am thinking mostly of myself of course. In quick synopses I have been in a truly life threatening car accident, I lost an aunt and uncle to cancer three months after losing my brother to suicide and 3 short years later was divorced from my husband of 8 years. So, when I see someone who I know well enough to know when they aren't acting like themselves I have a specific frame of reference to compare what I'm seeing to in their behaviour. I may not be right about my guess and I can only confirm by asking, but, it's an interesting thing to compare that framework against other people.

Today Lucy and I were in a store that we frequent; a merchant where we know the staff in the store really well. When I stopped by today I noted that the proprietor was looking extremely self-conscious and almost depressed and on top of that she asked me how I was doing at least 4 times in 5 minutes. I completely caught her off guard and she took longer than normal to place me. And if I had to pinpoint what was going on I would guess first and foremost at something that is similar to one of my own experiences...indicated by weight loss, a new hairstyle and the aforementioned state of mind.

I didn't take the time to ask what was going on, based on her body language I didn't feel she wanted to talk about it. Of course I'm concerned, I have been a patron at her store for the last 4 years. Now of course this guessing is what causes trouble and how rumors start, but it can be so hard not to apply my own life's experiences to the outward appearance of what I see in my friends.

But it's also these experiences that we go through that allow us to know based on cues the basics of what may be going on with people we care about without having to ask. So, I guess it just comes down to balance. If you've been through something and feel you can identify what may be going on in another person's life then I guess it stands to reason that you should first and foremost remember how hard it was for you to go through and then use the same discretion you would prefer to have used if it were you on that side of the table when you consider spreading rumors or gossiping about what you saw.